I really love it when I’m right—don’t you? When the Presidential campaign kicked off about a year ago, I noted that we were about to be treated to a free Master Class in Communication. OK, so it wasn’t exactly a genius prediction, but wow–we have had a front row seat to how critically important it is to be a strong communicator, and what happens when you’re not. A crucial part of that skill set is being able to express an opinion in a compelling and clear way and to engage in conversation, even debate, with someone whose views are not aligned with your own.
We get to live in a country where we are all 100% entitled to our opinions and there are people we work with who have radically different views than we do. When I think about agreeing to disagree in the workplace, it seems like the stakes are higher than ever. We might be completely clueless until a co-worker “lets us in” and then we have a choice: we can keep our mouths shut or we can agree to disagree. Is there a third option?
I once had a manager who shared that he would not hesitate to shoot an intruder. I always viewed him as a pretty low key guy and this declaration shocked me. Plus, although he had young kids, he proudly kept firearms in the home. This made me anxious.
At a team meeting, I proudly shared photos from my daughter’s wedding. One of the guys on my team looked at the two beaming brides and asked, “Where’s the husband?” I said, “She doesn’t have one.” He said, “I though you said she got married.” On and on it went until I practically had to shout, “She’s gay! There is no man in this picture!” He said “Wow. That’s different.” And walked away. This made me angry.
A colleague and I were discussing an upcoming local election. I was concerned that Candidate A held views that were unfriendly to women and therefore I couldn’t vote for him. My friend agreed but said that Candidate B was even worse because if she was elected, our taxes would no doubt increase; thus, so she was voting for A. As a woman, this made me frustrated.
Looking back, in all three cases, instead of keeping my mouth shut or mumbling, “Let’s agree to disagree on this one,” I wish I would have picked Door Number 3: asking questions and making an effort to understand where the other person was coming from.
The truth is, we get to vote on lots of things in this country, but we don’t get to vote on what other people believe or do. If a colleague talks about his support of the right to bear arms , if someone shares that Gay Marriage is “different” from regular marriage, if a friend values lower taxes over women’s rights…what will our response be? Since we all have 2 ears and one mouth, perhaps we have to try our best to listen and to learn.
Joe, talk to me about your support of the right to bear arms. How does this figure into current gun laws?
Sam, can I let you in on what it’s like to have a child who is gay and what freedom to marry means to me?
Eleanor, let’s dive a little deeper into these two candidates and talk about trying to make sure we have better choices next time around so we don’t have to choose the lesser of two evils.
If I had started these kinds of conversations with my colleagues and friends—uncomfortable though it may have been, I think It would have expanded my perspective and understanding and not just on the topics at hand. It also would have allowed me to go beneath the surface and get to know these folks better than I had before. It comes down to trying to see both sides of the story, opening our minds to new points of view and listening, really listening to why someone believes the things they do. Isn’t that what being a mature adult is all about?
What do you think? Leave your comments here!